Dave Pollock
Reflections on Our Friend
For Betty Lou, Family, and Interaction
From Global Member Care Resources
Africa
• DARLENE JEROME - MOBILE MEMBER CARE TEAM, GHANA
It was 1981 and I was just back from a year of travel in Africa and Asia during which I volunteered in several mission situations. It had been a year of discovery: about various cultures, about what it meant to be involved in missions, different agencies and myself. And though I had no words for it, my eyes had been opened to the needs for member care. David Pollock put words on my feelings.
We were living in Vermont, attending a small Bible church there. Dave was one of the teaching elders and I always was sure to be there on a Sunday when he taught. He made sense to me at a time when my faith needed some anchoring. When my brother joined me at the grad school there, while he and his family were on a year's home assignment as missionaries to Japan, our two families would get together around the table and the conversation was very stimulating. Dave was always learning, always synthesizing new ideas. I needed that kind of older brother in the faith.
As I entered the world of Wycliffe, I would see Dave as he passed through various places for meetings or gatherings: Dallas SIL, Cameroon to do his re-entry seminar at our high school, Mental Health and Missions, Abidjan after his work at the two schools in Ivory Coast, WEA in Vancouver just his past June. Always he was affirming, encouraging and showed personal care for my situation and ministry.
It's hard to imagine not running into Dave again here on earth. It is a comfort to know that the Lord he loved and served with all his heart soul and mind welcomed him home. My heart goes out to Betty-Lou, Dan, Mike and Michelle. Their loss is huge and so unexpected. May the God of all comfort surround them and the Interaction family even as he surrounds us. Because He lives,
Darlene Jerome
• NAOMI FAMONURE - MESSIAH COLLEGE, AEA MEMBER CARE GROUP, NIGERIA
The news of Dave going home to be with the Lord is shocking. Hardly had I absorbed the news of his ill health, as I never knew him to be ever so sick, that I am hearing of his death. I am shocked! I have been out of touch for a while not being too well myself, but this is too sudden!!
It is indeed a very very sorrowful period for all of us in the body of Christ. And to hear of Bill Mauger too, is incomprehensible. I am really sorrowful and I don't know how to express this. Please give my warmest regards to Bill and his family. We are praying for them. And of course Betty Lou, Dave's wife. We have certainly lost a beacon of strength and an encourager in Dave. I pray the comfort of the Lord for all of us.
Naomi Famonure
• ANKE TISSINGH - YWAM, MEMBER CARE NORTH AFRICA, SPAIN
Dear Dave, We rejoice with you, you are now enjoying uninterrupted fellowship with the Lord Jesus, and how wonderful to know that you are there, in glory. How we miss you. How we miss you as a father in missons. The wisdom, the grace, the humour you shared in our member care meetings! The Working Group of Member Care for North Africa joins me in sharing our deep loss, and sadness.
Anke Tissinigh
Asia
• GRACIA WIARDA - THERAPIST, SINGAPORE
I grieve his loss. I remember his enjoyment of life, his warm presence, his love for the Lord, and his passion for service.
Gracia Wiarda
• BELINDA NG - SIM, SINGAPORE
When I first received the news of Dave's grave condition, I could not hold back my tears as I shared with staff at SIM here for prayers. We kept him daily before His throne of grace for God's mercy remembering Betty Lou especially and his children and their families. When a staff called to inform me of his home-going on 14th May while I was at a spiritual retreat, I could hold back my sobs.
Dave had been to Singapore at least 4 times since I invited him to run the TCK transition seminars since 2002. I last spoke to him in February 2004 on the phone while he was in the airport departure hall. That is Dave always connecting with people and connecting people with people. He had become such a friend, a family friend because he had met my family and on a few occasions they had dined with him. He also prayed for us and was a mentor in matters pertaining to MKs and TCKs. His book with Ruth was a tremendous help to us in understanding our two TCKs. As one son said, "That's me" That meant a lot.
Whenever Dave came to Singapore, he gave his all in his teaching. He lived his passions. We saw the impact of his teaching on missionaries, MKs, TCKs and caregivers alike. What a loss but we know he is in a better place. We feel deeply for Betty Lou and his family and are upholding them at this time of grief and loss. We will miss Dave and his wonderful stories. How privileged I have been to work so closely with him and even had the indulgence to ask him to tell the same story twice. He was such a sport to do it again without sparing the details, of course for the benefit of his new friend, Dr. Goh Wei Leong whom I had just introduced to Dave.
He had many friends in Singapore and I know many had been praying for him and are now continuing to pray for his loved ones and his family at Interaction. His contribution to world missions is incalculable because his insights have been helpful to everyone in transitions. May his memories bring more glory and honour to the Lord whom he loved and served.
Belinda Ng and Andrew too
• PHILIP CHANG - INTERSERVE, MALAYSIA
I've been following the emails about Dave for several days and still find it hard to know what to say. It seemed so unreal to me and yet, we all know we have really lost a good friend and colleague. It is so sad - for several months I was hoping to be able to catch up with Dave to discuss with him about coming to Malaysia sometime next year to conduct a TCK seminar. Though it's not going to happen now, I do know that Dave has left behind a strong legacy and advocate for TCK ministry, and I'm sure he would like to see us all carry on his good work.
Philip Chang
• BYUNG MOON KANG - PSYCHOLOGIST, KOREA
I just got the surprising news about Dave. I express my sincere condolences to Dave's Wife and his
children, because he worked for the Lord in the precious work of World evangelization. May God bless him and his family forever.
Byung Moon Kang
• PRAMILA RAJENDRAN - INDIA MISSIONS ASSOCIATION, INDIA
We are praying for you during this time of a loss of our very good friend and colleague Dave. We are finding difficult to accept the fact that he was here and now gone. We are missing him and will be missed by many friends and also MK's around the world.
Pramila Rajendran
Europe
• ANNEMIE GROSSHAUSER - ORA, CENTRAL ASIA MEMBER CARE, GERMANY
I was of course devastated by the death of David P. like all of us. From the moment I heard about the coma right after it happened (I was in Korntal doing the Debriefing Seminar, and it was brought in as an urgent prayer request), I sensed that he would not live, I somehow felt the Lord saying: you can come home now my faithful servant! But I wanted him to live for the TCKs (and of course his family) because there is nobody like him who has fathered them so beautifully. Our kids were very sad!! Hannah and Ruben had just enjoyed his seminar in May. Hannah wrote once a beautiful poem on the death of a friend's partner, which I find really helpful to cope with the death of a loved one.
There are things in life we just do not understand
And our questions seem to remain hanging in the air unanswered.
There are things in life we just do not understand
And our not-knowing fills us with fear of the unknown.
There are things in life we just do not understand
But we hold on to a God who knows our pain.
If today was your last day, what would you do?
There are things in life we just do not understand
But perhaps our questions can lead us to answers unexpected.
There are things in life we just do not understand
Yet maybe the pain will help us grow.
There are things in life we just do not understand
Yet we are reminded that trust is blind.
There are things in life we just do not understand
But in our hearts we hear a whisper: perfect love casts out fear.
There are things in life we just do not understand
Yet we have assurance and hope in faith.
There are things in life we just do not understand
But one thing we know: He does.
Bells ringing, drums rolling, trumpets rejoicing, another son has arrived to join the feast.
Angels sing and saints stand in wonder, as they watch the Father and the son embrace.
No more questions, pain or fear, as he stands in the awesome presence of love.
Although there are things in life we just do not understand, we rest assured that this we know.
Annemie Grosshauser
• MARJORY FOYLE - PSYCHIATRIST, UNITED KINGDOM
I am so grieved that we have lost Dave Pollock, a true friend to me, a lovely Christian man, father, husband, and clinician. I kept meeting him in different places all over the world, and felt warmed by his loving compassion and true friendship. I remember Dave Pollock with deep gratitude to God for giving us such a wonderful representative of our Lord during his time with us on earth. He was a good friend, always full of love, and a person I felt I could rely on 100%. We sometimes met unexpectedly on airplanes, and astounded the people around us by our loving embrace and animated talk. I shall miss him, and remember his family whose loss is so much greater than mine. I am so glad I have known him and received so much inspiration.
Marjory F Foyle
North America
• ESLY CARVALHO - COUNSELOR/CONSULTANT, USA
I think the greatest think about Dave was that he made me feel normal for the first time in my life. It wasn´t just his warmth that Ken and I shared in Foz de Iguaçu, Brazil. It was a special time and in those few short days, we became fast friends. But when I read his book I felt like I had finally found someone who really really understood me. He has done us TCK´s an enormous service by ¨normalizing¨ our condition. After that, it never really mattered that I never really fit anywhere. I´ve married a TCK (both times, smile), my second hsuband is the child of a TCK, we have TCK kids, who are producing TCK children themselves... but now it´s OK. It´s the normal way for us to live, and we owe that to Dave.
He is sorely missed…it was nice to know that although our contact was rare, he was always there when I wrote him. The note eventually got to him, and he would respond. I think Dave died as I knew he would: with his boots on. And now the holy angels have taken off his boots, and he´s dancing!
Esly Carvalho
• KATHY NARRAMORE - USA
Dave Pollock modeled to me so authentically John 13:35 "Love one another the way I love you". He loved people and he loved them that same "way". He gave understanding and value to a very marginalized group of people-third culture kids--those who were believers and those who were not. He was so natural and integrated in bringing the truth about Christ to those who didn't know Him. His contribution to the Kingdom has been very great-and so now is our loss. Our hearts and prayers go out to Betty Lou and their children,
Kathy Narramore--a TCK
• LAURA MAE GARDNER - WYCLIFFE, USA
Dick and I were following news about Dave closely, and I believe we were praying for him with our Sunday School class almost exactly when he died. But we left immediately on a trip and didn't hear the news until Tuesday evening when we were up in Portland, about to move into two intense workshops. So this is the first time I've had a chance to express my sorrow to you all, and also to acknowledge publicly how much I believe Dave contributed to the world of missions and missionary care, especially care for MKs. And his focus on transition issues and the materials he wrote were so useful, and so good. We (the whole mission world) will miss him greatly. Dick and I grieve with you. Though we didn't have much personal time with Dave, we esteemed him as a brother and colleague in Christ. And we pray for the family. Warmly, in Christ,
Larrie Gardner (and for Dick)
• BILL TAYLOR - WEA MISSIONS COMMISSION, USA
Let us remain in prayer for his family and associates. I have known Dave since 1958 when we first entered Moody Bible Institute, along with George Verwer, and the three of us have pilgrimaged through the world over these decades. Few people I know in the world had the combined gifts and skills as Dave--compassion merged with truth; grace in counseling with wisdom on the multi-culture experience; a unique open door to the mission, military and diplomatic community with his gentle and truthful teaching on life in other cultures, and between cultures. Dave was a deeply committed and thoughtful participant of the WEA Missions Commission Associates. He had a genuine and reflective commitment to the global church of Christ, and saw WEA as a picture of that marvelous inter-cultural body of Jesus on earth. He will be profoundly missed. I am reminded of the I Kings passage when a young servant of God died and all Israel mourned for him. And Acts 8:2 "Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him". We do also.
Bill Taylor
Oceania
• MURRAY WINN - THERAPIST, NEW ZEALAND
I've been reading the 'traffic' since David passed away last week, and am realising the true extent of his impact on people's lives. Marti and I only met Dave over those few days in Canada, last year, but we immediately warmed to him, in the way literally thousands must have before us. I'm especially aware of Dave's wisdom and ability in distilling the truth surrounding the TCK 'phenomenon'... I had 'met' him previously through his co-authorship of the book on the subject with Ruth van Reken whom I met on one of her speaking tours down here. Its on my 'active' shelf in my office, and I'm grateful to be able to refer clients to it...truly for us here, a sort of living memorial in its own way.
In NZ we speak of that quality of mana, or gift of leadership in a number of metaphorical ways.......I'm thinking of a forest image, of two trees in the NZ bush, that symbolise that, the Kauri and the Totara. Both are highly prized for their straight, tall, knot or blemish-free habit, hard durable timber, esteemed for special projects, such as construction of meeting houses, voyaging canoes and so on. The expression then, that captures the significance of Dave's passing would be simple, but profound: "... a mighty Totara has fallen." Our hope and trust is in an all-wise and understanding Father who knows and literally shares in our grief and unbearable pain, poignantly underscoring all the Easters of our times.
Murray and Marti Winn
Latin America
• GLORIA BUSTAMANTE - COMIBAM PROGRAMA DE CUIDADO INTEGRAL, MEXICO
Gracias por mantenerme al tanto de lo de Dave. No tuve el gusto de conocerlo personalmente pero por todo lo que he estado leyendo no me cabe duda que su vida no solamente impacto a muchos mientras estuvo entre nosotros sino que seguira siendo modelo para seguir aprendiendo de el. Quiera el Senor levantar mas gente con la vision, pasion, compromiso y amor que Dave tuvo hacia El y su obra. Seguimos orando por su familia y amados para que sea la presencia del Senor y el confort y consuelo de Su Espiritu quien les ministre y fortalezca en este tiempo dificil de duelo. Un fuerte abrazo. Bendiciones
Gloria Bustamante
• MARCIA TOSTES - ANTIOCH, MEMBER CARE BRAZIL, BRAZIL
I just read about Dave. I am very sad, and I would like to share my feelings with someone. Even though I wasn't so close to him, the few times I met him, made me admire and love him. He really was a man of God, those who met him and heard him could feel God' s love. Please receive a big 'abraço' from me. Love,
Márcia Tostes
• TONICA VEN DER MEER, MEMBER CARE BRAZIL, BRAZIL
It is a shock for us that David left us so soon, but he just slipped away to be with the Lord and have his rest, no more pain. We will miss him very much. We will be praying for Betty Lou and for the children, for God's grace, comfort, peace, and love to uphold them, Thinking about Dave Pollock, I remember a very gracious, friendly, accessible and wise person, very open and outgoing, ready to love and to listen. I am sure he has been a very great blessing to many people in different cultures and parts of the world. With love,
Tonica van der Meer
Dave Pollock-(1939-2004)
Tears and Cheers for our Friend
I was staring into the dark stairwell in our home in France, slouching in sorrow. We had just heard of Dave Pollock’s death on Easter Sunday. Our 10 year-old daughter climbed into my lap. “Oh Daddy, you’re crying,” she whispered. “Ah Ashling,” I sighed. “Dave is worth crying over.” I know many of us have shed similar tears, as we have grieved the loss of our dear friend.
Dave himself was a man of both joy and tears. His smile and laughter were contagious. Yet seldom could he teach without crying, as he recounted the challenges and courage of mission personnel and TCKs. His heart and his call, for nearly three decades, have been to support mission families. His own experience with his wife Betty Lou and kids in Kenya in the 1970s, and ongoing travels, have shaped his keen understanding of cross-cultural living.
Prior to Kenya, Dave had graduated from Moody Bible Institute (1960) and Houghton College (1963). In 1962 Dave and Betty Lou married, and were blessed with four children: Dan, Nate, Mike, and Michelle, plus five grandchildren. He also pastored in New Jersey and New York USA from 1968-1975.
Dave has been Director of Interaction since 1980, based in New York. Interaction is well-known for its ministry to internationally mobile families. He was also an Adjunct Professor at Houghton College since 1986. Dave’s numerous articles on transition, TCKs, and member care, as well as his book with Ruth Van Reken, The Third Culture Kid Experience (1999), are some of the finest works in the member care field. His influence and respect within the mission community have been widespread.
In 1998, Dave helped to launch and then co-chaired the Global Member Care Resources group. Part of the WEA Missions Commission, this task force comprises some 40 international member care leaders. Dave’s insights and friendship have significantly influenced so many of us! Both the ivory tower and muddy trenches were familiar to him, although clearly he gravitated towards “getting dirty” with personnel on the field. Dave loved to be with people!
Dave is a beloved grandfather in the member care field. He was in the original planning group, for example, that gave birth to the three International Conferences on Missionary Kids, the first in Manila, 1984. Yet it was only privately, after probing, that he would modestly even mention such things (including his honorary doctorate in pedagogy). Dave was committed to partner with others in missions, to dream do-able dreams, and to discuss ministry problems. He was an advocate of the global church, with a special blend of humility, innovation, and integrity. As a model and mentor, he imparted not only his teaching, but also his life (I Thes. 2:8).
Yes, our tears of sorrow flow. But also do our cheers of joy. Dave Pollock ran the race well, and he is with our Lord. May your words Dave, and your example, live long in our hearts and hands: “Our love and unity demonstrate that we are His disciples. Love is the definitive apologetic and the core component of mission strategy. The Great Commandment and the Great Commission are inseparable.”
Kelly O’Donnell April 20, 2004
for Connections, June 2004
with love from Kelly and Michèle
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